


You're My Head (You're My Heart)

by ExhaustedCommonSense



Category: Pacific Rim (Movies)
Genre: M/M, Mind Control Aftermath & Recovery, Multi, Post-Movie: Pacific Rim: Uprising (2018), Sharing a Body, Spoilers, Tags Contain Spoilers, Temporary Character Death, help me i can't stop writing pacific rim stories, it's just one scene that demanded to be written, it's not relevant to the plot, the nate/jake/jules thing is only mentioned
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-12
Updated: 2018-05-12
Packaged: 2019-05-05 06:33:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,697
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14611686
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ExhaustedCommonSense/pseuds/ExhaustedCommonSense
Summary: The plan was simple: go into Newton’s mind, help him fight off the Precursors, and get his friend back.He should have remembered that nothing ever goes to plan when Newton is involved.





	You're My Head (You're My Heart)

**Author's Note:**

> Title from No Light by Florence & The Machine
> 
> Playlist [here](https://open.spotify.com/user/j6anp4ulggac3gy1szhybovlk/playlist/0IgvSln0Gbc8wH5fzjuJei)

“This is the results of Dr Geiszler’s EEG,” Dr Burke projected the image onto the screen in front of them. “We can clearly see two sets of brainwaves.”

“So, Dr Geiszler is still in there,” Ranger Lambert frowned at the screen thoughtfully.

“He is,” Dr Burke confirmed. “But we believe these waves,” she played with her tablet until one of the brainwaves turned red. “Belong to the Precursors. They are unlike anything ever recorded in humans. They are also much stronger than the ones we believe belong to Dr Geiszler.”

“But he is still there,” Hermann insisted, setting his jaw stubbornly.

General Pentecost pinched his nose and sighed. “Dr Gottlieb.”

“We’ve had him a week,” Hermann interrupted. “The Precursors won’t give us any information, and Newton is only getting weaker. I can Drift with him, help him.”

“The Precursors are currently the dominant party,” Dr Burke protested. “We don’t know that a Drift would help. It could pull Dr Geiszler’s already weak hold on his own mind two far! During a Drift, you split your mind in two in order to share; it could break Dr Geiszler.”

“We’re Drift compatible,” Hermann pleaded, turning to look at Pentecost. “We’ve Drifted before, he knows my mind and I know his.”

“You Drifted once,” Lambert reminded him. “With a Kaiju brain. I imagine the Drift was weakened by the third party. A repeat Drift works best if your minds have imprinted on each other; your Drift might not have been strong enough to cause him to subconsciously accept you.”

“We Ghost Drifted for a week after our Drift,” Hermann said icily, watching with a petty satisfaction as their eyes widened.

The Jaeger pilots he’d come across in the past had always insisted that they couldn’t have achieved a true Drift; the PPDC had always believed that a Drift was strengthened by combat, hence why the cadets were trained in attack scenarios and compatibility was tested in a fight. They didn’t seem to realise that Hermann had fought with Newton everyday for ten years: they knew each other better than anyone before the Drift.

“I would like it noted that I still think this is a bad idea,” Pentecost gave in. “But I’m pretty sure you’ll find a way to do it even if we say no.”

Hermann didn’t bother to deny it. He’d become slightly more reckless since his Drift with Newton, and he’d always been a little too willing to go along with his insane ideas. If it would help get his friend back, he’d do anything, no matter what the personal risk was.

“Hello Newton,” Hermann stood to one side as Pentecost and Lambert moved the machines into Newton’s cell. Dr Burke followed them and placed a chair in front of him for Hermann; she began to attach the EEG electrodes once he’d sat down.

“Hermann,” Newton watched him with malicious amusement.

His silence was more unnerving than anything he could say; Newton was never quiet, he was always talking or singing – or shouting when with Hermann – the silence was as uncharacteristic as his stillness and it made Hermann itch to try force a reaction out of him.

“Done,” Dr Burke switched on both monitors so that everyone could watch the EEG readings during the Drift. “We’ll end the Drift if it looks like the Precursors are trying to hitch a ride into your brain.”

Hermann nodded and accepted the PONS headset from Lambert while Pentecost placed the matching one onto Newton’s head. It was a little trickier to put on with the electrodes attached, but they both managed with detaching any of them.

“Ready,” Hermann sat back in his chair and offered them a shaky smile.

“Are you really?” Newton laughed, his voice taking on the echoing effect that it had when he’d attempted to choke him. “We remember you. You’re no stronger than he is.”

“Commencing Drift,” Pentecost ignored him and activated the Drift, sending Hermann hurtling through their link. “Neural handshake activated.”

_The outside world dissolved around him as he dropped into their shared headspace. As he’d predicted, Newton’s mind had remembered the feeling of their Drift and had welcomed him rather than rejecting the bond. Hermann wasn’t surprised to see that the physical representation of their headspace was a perfect replica of their old lab, down to the Kaiju and chalk stains._

_The room trembled as he turned around to see Newt. Hermann stumbled towards him, noting that even in his head, he had a limp. Newt looked pale and Hermann got the sense that he wasn’t as solid as he should have been. It was a relief to pull him into a hug: reassured by the knowledge that this was the real Newton._

_“They’re coming,” Newt whispered into his shoulder as the room shook again. “They want you.”_

_“Let them try,” Hermann scowled, his anger echoing through their bond._

_Newt shuddered and pulled away so that he could face him. “I’m not strong enough to keep them out,” he admitted, glancing away as if he was ashamed. “If they get into here, they’ll get you too.”_

_Hermann wobbled as the floor seemed to vibrate under his feet. Newt clutched him for support, but even Hermann could read the defeat in the set of his shoulders. One of the blackboards crashed to the ground and Newt’s test tubes shattered upon impact with the table. He could feel Newt’s overwhelming terror and despair as the room imploded around them. Scrambling for control, he gripped Newt tighter and pulled him closer as the Drift shattered._

“Dr Gottlieb!” Dr Burke was crouched in front of him. “Are you okay?”

He groaned and leant over, unable to stop himself from throwing up. His head felt too full, memories and emotions that weren’t his own pressing against his thoughts. Grimacing at the feeling, he accepted the tissue Dr Burke passed him and used it to wipe at his mouth and nose, unsurprised by the blood that stained it.

Newton began to laugh manically. “You did it, Dr Gottlieb!” He mocked, twisting in his restraints to look at him. “You succeeded where we failed! Your precious Newton is gone!”

Hermann stared at him, a wave of despair and denial threatening to drown him. Pentecost helped him stand up and limp out of the room, settling him into a chair once the door was shut behind them. Hermann shut his eyes and pressed a hand to his head, wrestling with his emotions.

“What happened?” He asked hoarsely, taking the bottle of water that Lambert held out and forcing himself to drink it slowly.

“The neural handshake held steady,” Pentecost informed him sombrely. “The EEG showed that the Drift was successful: Dr Geiszler’s brainwaves matched yours perfectly, as you said they would, but,” he hesitated briefly. “The Precursors began to push into the Drift. We were forced to terminate the Drift when the risk of them infecting you became too high.”

“What about Newton?” Hermann questioned desperately, the Precursors words echoing through his thoughts.

Dr Burke coughed uncomfortably and passed him her tablet. “The EEG is only registering the Precursors brainwaves. I’m so sorry.”

“But I can still feel him,” he stared at the damning scans, feeling numb. A part of him wondered if this was how Ranger Beckett had felt after the death of his brother and his heart stuttered in sympathy: he understood now why pilots didn’t die alone.

“Your electrodes were damaged when we terminated the Drift,” Dr Burke explained sympathetically. “But we believe the Drift was too strong for Dr Geiszler; he couldn’t find his way back. Or perhaps he wasn’t able to go back.”

Hermann chocked out a slightly hysterical laugh. “I’m Ghost Drifting,” he pressed a hand to his eyes and wiped angrily at the moisture he found. It wasn’t funny; it was the sort of thing that Newton would have said, and that thought only made him laugh harder. “I’m Ghost Drifting with a ghost.”

“I’m very sorry about your loss, Dr Gottlieb,” Dr Burke said quietly, picking up her tablet and leaving him with the two concerned rangers.

“General Pentecost,” Hermann pulled himself together, swiping inefficiently at his eyes and ignoring how pathetic he sounded. “I would appreciate it if you could send me the studies on after-effects experienced by Ranger Beckett.”

“Of course, Dr Gottlieb,” Pentecost agreed weakly, exchanging a worried look with Lambert. “Whatever you need.”

“Thank you,” he took a deep breath and picked up his cane, limping his way unhindered to his room.

Once there, he sat down on his bed and threw his cane across the room, watching passively as it bounced against the wall and rolled to a stop near the door. He cursed his own pig-headedness; he’d been so sure that he was right, he hadn’t allowed himself to believe that anything could go wrong. And Newt had paid for his arrogance.

He curled over, finally allowing his sorrow to wash through him. The only sound in the room were his gasping sobs as he cried out his pain. Once his tears dried up, he felt more exhausted and empty than before. It was easy to let himself fall sideways; the bed rising up to meet him as he gratefully sunk into the oblivion sleep offered him.

_“I always knew you’d miss me,” Newt grinned at him, spinning around in his lab chair._

_“You’re my friend,” Hermann looked down at the chalk in his hand, turning to see the blackboard behind him. He wondered idly why his brain had created a replica of the lab but not included the duct tape line down the middle._

_“I’m in your head, Herms,” he scoffed, his chair squeaking as he stood up and came to stand next to him. “I think we can both admit I’m more than that.”_

_Hermann stared at the board, unable to understand what he was seeing. “You’re dead,” he remembered sadly, refusing to look away from the chalk lines drawn across the board._

_“That’s the brilliant bit!” Newt exclaimed excitedly. “I’m not! I’m in you head! Hermann, I followed you back.”_

_Hermann blinked and understood what he was seeing: it was an EEG showing two sets of brainwaves. He spun to look at Newt with wide eyes but the room spun with him, the chalk lines dancing around him._

“Newton!” Hermann woke up with a shout, sitting up and trying to catch his breath. His eyes scanned the room as if Newt was going to step out from behind his desk. He leant back against the wall and shuddered, the dream had felt so real, but he was so scared to hope.

Sighing, he struggled to his feet, wincing as remembered that he’d thrown his cane during his tantrum. Hermann balanced himself ungracefully with the furniture until he could bend down to get his cane. Straightening up with a flinch as his hip burned and his leg began to shake under the strain.

_Christ, Hermann, your leg sucks._

Hermann startled at the voice, losing his grip and tumbling to the floor. Pain lanced up his back at the rough landing and he instinctively grabbed at his leg, hissing out a breath as his muscles constricted under his hands.

_Shit! Sorry! You couldn’t hear me yesterday!_

“Newton,” Hermann gasped out. “Can you feel this?”

 _We’re sharing a head,_ Newt pointed out wryly. _I can see, hear, feel, etc, whatever you can._

“So sorry,” Hermann rolled his eyes. “This is my first time sharing my head, excuse me if I’m a little confused.”

Newt’s presence dimmed a little in the back of his head; it was easy to recognize it now that he knew what to look for. He felt a foreign sense of remorse and apology: it was so much stronger than their Ghost Drift had been. Their shared dream must have opened his mind to allow Newt in; he had been completely unaware of another presence the day before.

 _I’m sorry,_ Newt apologized sadly. _I didn’t mean to hitch a ride. I know how awful it is to play unwilling host to another person in your head._

“Don’t apologize,” Hermann frowned. “I’d much rather share my mind with you than have you dead.”

 _Can I…?_ Newt pushed gently at his mind, ready to step back at the first hint that Hermann wanted him to go.

He didn’t even stop to consider it: Hermann trusted Newt more than he sometimes trusted himself, it was second nature to say yes. Curious, Hermann attempted to tuck his presence in, giving Newt more room.

The pain in his leg sharpened suddenly and then relaxed. Hermann looked down and blinked at the sight of his hands massaging down his leg confidently. Newt huffed out an amused breath inside his head, focused on keeping the balance: if he pushed a little harder against his mind, he risked the chance of controlling Hermann’s whole body, but if he didn’t push hard enough, he wouldn’t be able to move his hands.

“Thank you, Newton,” Hermann smiled when he was done, feeling him sink back immediately. With anyone else, he would have been terrified of the thought that someone could so easily take over his body, but with Newt, he knew that he was safe.

Newt was brash and arrogant, but he wouldn’t force Hermann to do anything he didn’t want to. Hermann had access to all of his memories, just as Newt could see his; he knew how helpless Newt had felt trapped in his own body, and he could feel the revulsion at the thought of doing the same thing to Hermann.

It was amazing how unselfconscious he felt: he knew Newt was there and could see everything, but he didn’t feel any of his usual shyness as he stripped down for his shower. They shared everything; every thought, feeling, emotion, that they’d ever felt was laid bare before them. They were one person, one body, with two personalities and two lives of experience.

“We can share,” Hermann decided easily, stepping out of the shower. “I don’t like the idea of you being a prisoner in my mind.” Hermann felt a jolt of shock and a small burst of pleasure at being trusted.

Once he’d finished dressing, he sent a message off to tell Pentecost and Lambert to meet him in medical. They wouldn’t believe him without proof, and it would help reassure his own doubts too. He wanted too much for it to be true; there was still a part of his mind that suspected he’d lost it and Newt was just an hallucination.

“Dr Gottlieb,” Lambert met him at the door to medical. “Is everything okay?”

“I hope so,” Hermann answered truthfully, nodding at Pentecost who was waiting inside before turning to Dr Burke. “I need you to do an EEG.”

“Do you think the Precursors had an effect?” Pentecost demanded, straightening up with a flash of alarm.

“No,” Hermann shook his head. “No, they didn’t get to me. I have a theory, and I need an EEG to prove it.”

Dr Burke waved him towards one of the beds and began placing the electrodes once he’d perched on the end of it. “I was going to ask you to come down for some checks anyway,” she told him with a smile. “I’ve read through the research on Ranger Beckett, and I wanted to check it against your symptoms.”

“I didn’t have the chance to read it,” he fought down a blush, recalling his rather emotional night. Newt snickered in the back of his head at his embarrassment.

“Of course,” Dr Burke patted his shoulder comfortingly and then stood back. “All done.”

She switched on the monitor so that they could watch as the brainwaves appeared. Hermann let out a sigh of relief when he saw the two distinctive waves, neither one looking weaker than the other. Dr Burke let out a startled sound and looked at him with astonishment.

“Is that…?” Lambert squinted at the monitor.

“Newton,” Hermann confirmed. “Dr Burke was right; he couldn’t go back to his own mind.”

“So, he went to yours,” Pentecost finished with wide eyes. “That’s...are you okay with that?”

“He’s not dead,” Hermann raised an eyebrow at him. “I’d accept a lot worse for that.”

 _I love you too,_ Newt teased, his words doing nothing to hide the genuine feeling behind them. Hermann coughed and felt a blush spreading up his neck.

“Is there any way to get him back into his own body?” Lambert questioned, startling him out of his head and bringing his attention back to the room.

Pentecost gave him an amused look. “Alright there, Dr Gottlieb?”

“He can’t go back as long as the Precursors are there,” Hermann declared, ignoring Pentecost. “It would be too dangerous for both of us.” Newt sent his own agreement; thoroughly against anything that would put Hermann at risk.

“Can Dr Gottlieb’s mind support two minds long-term?” Lambert asked Dr Burke.

Newt brushed his mind forward and Hermann stepped back automatically, his body shivering as Newt came forward. “My mind held me and the whole Kaiju hive mind for nearly ten years,” Newt pointed out with a wave of his hand. “Me and Hermie should have no problems sharing between the two of us.”

It was strange to see his body moving and talking without his input. His body language had completely changed when Newt stepped forward; he’d gone from sitting up straight to a slouch, and Newt gestured with his hands as he spoke, swinging his good leg to stay in constant motion.

“Dr Geiszler,” Pentecost stared at him.

“Call me Newt,” Newt grinned. “Dr Geiszler sounds so stuffy.”

“God that’s weird,” Lambert examined him. “It’s like a complete personality switch.”

“Well,” Newt swung off the bed and stumbled when his leg didn’t hold him. “Crap, Hermann, your body sucks, we should have got stuck in mine.” Lambert steadied him and passed over Hermann’s cane. “Thanks. So, if everyone is done staring at us, I haven’t eaten proper food in years.”

 _You are not filling my body with rubbish,_ Hermann protested, making no attempt to take back control.

“It’s not rubbish, Hermann,” Newt argued, limping away from medical and ignoring the strange looks he got from talking to himself. “There’s nothing wrong with pizza.”

 _There is when it’s all you eat_ , Hermann reminded him. _I’m still surprised you didn’t end up with scurvy during the first war._

“Peppers count as veg,” Newt grinned winningly at the woman serving the food and happily selected a few slices of pizza. “And there’s tomato too.”

 _You’re going to make everyone think I’m insane._ He was too amused to sound properly scolding; it was hard to be annoyed at Newt when he was so happy to be free.

“I’m talking to the voice in my head,” Newt informed the woman solemnly, picking up his tray and walking away before she could reply, giggling the whole time.

“Dr Gottlieb,” Officer Reyes greeted him with a nod.

Newt sat down next to her. “Jules, right?” He took a bite of his pizza at her bewildered nod. “Awesome. Hey, what do you think I’d look like with a tattoo?” He gestured as if he was waving away a fly. “Christ, Hermann, I was only asking. It’s not like I’m planning on going out and getting one.”

“Are you alright, Dr Gottlieb?” Officer Reyes was staring at him with apprehension.

“I am perfectly fine,” Hermann pushed forward, Newt giving way immediately without arguing. “If you’ll excuse me?”

He picked up his tray and took it with him to his room, letting Newt take back over to eat. Newt munched happily on his lunch, sending out waves of gratitude that Hermann was willing to share his body, no matter how annoying he was.

 _If you start acting too out of character, people are going to start asking questions,_ Hermann reminded him. _They might be more than a little concerned to hear that you’re sharing my body._

“I know,” Newt winced, poking morosely at his empty plate. “They’ll think I’ve seduced you to the dark side.”

Hermann frowned at his bitter tone. _Everyone here knows that wasn’t you._

“My body,” Newt sat down heavily on the bad. “My mistake that caused everything.”

 _It wasn’t your fault,_ Hermann flooded their mind with his reassurance and comfort. He wasn’t usually one for contact, but right then he wished he could reach out and hug him. _You’re not responsible for what they did._

“Try telling that to the families of all those people I killed,” Newt hunched his shoulders. “It might not have been my decision, but I still felt it. Hermann,” he hiccupped. “I felt everything. They cheered when those people died; they hate us so much. And I did too!” He sobbed, his shoulders shaking under the weight of his grief. “I let myself get consumed by their hatred, because it was easier, because that way I could ignore what was happening.”

 _You did what you had to, to survive,_ Hermann said sternly. _Would you have gone along with it if you’d got back control?_

“No!” Newt sounded horrified, rubbing at his eyes. Hermann could feel his exhaustion, so he wasn’t surprised when he faded into the back of his head, forcing Hermann forward to replace him.

“Get some rest,” Hermann murmured quietly.

He splashed some water on his face to remove the traces of Newt’s emotional breakdown, and then went to get some work done in his lab. Pentecost joined him a couple of hours later and listened as he explained the calculations he was doing to understand the Breaches the Precursors had opened.

“Can Newt offer any advice?” Pentecost asked once he’d finished.

“I’ll ask him when he wakes up,” Hermann promised easily. “He wants to help.”

“He’s sleeping?” Pentecost looked thoughtful. “What’s that like?”

“Strange,” Hermann admitted. “I feel like I should be asleep too, but it’s not too hard to ignore.”

“Don’t push yourself too much,” Pentecost ordered. “We’re going to need both of you at your best. Speaking of, have you had any ideas about how to drive the Precursors out of Dr Geiszler’s body?”

“Honestly, I’ve been hoping they get too weak to sustain their hold on him,” Hermann rubbed his forehead. “Newton Drifted with the Kaiju brain every day, it must have been for a reason.”

“Okay,” Pentecost nodded. “I can see that. Without the brain to Drift with, they won’t be able to stay in his head. But what happens once they’re gone? Will his body survive that?”

“Providing the Precursors don’t damage his brain on their way out,” Hermann grimaced at the thought. “His body would most likely become brain dead until I could Drift with him and he could re-enter his own mind.”

“Do you think they’ll damage his brain?” Pentecost asked curiously.

“They can’t while they need my body,” Newt took over, woken up by Hermann’s feeling of unease. “They might do it out of spite before leaving, but we’re hoping they’ll be too weak. It helps that they think I’m dead; as far as they know, if they leave my body then it’ll die. They don’t know I’m alive in Hermann’s head.” 

“Right,” Pentecost sighed. “I wish that plan didn’t hinge so much on hope.”

“You and me both,” Newt agreed. “On the Brightside, I’ll get working on a report of everything I learnt while possessed, so we’ll have some good news from this mess.”

Pentecost left after been assured that Newt would send him the report as soon as he’d finished it. Newt stood up and stretched out his back, groaning in relief as his joints popped. He grumbled about how long Hermann must have been sat, wondering around the lab to loosen up his legs.

“Not as nice as our lab,” he declared after he’d finished exploring.

Hermann hummed in agreement as fond memories of their lab at the Shatter Dome filtered through their headspace. _I think it’s a little late for a duct tape line._

Newt snorted. “Yeah, good luck putting any lines down in the mess of our headspace.”

Hermann allowed Newt to stay in control while they ate dinner in the mess. This time, Newt refrained from causing a scene or replying to Hermann out loud. They could easily direct their thoughts at each other in their heads, but it felt more natural to speak out loud. It was easy to let Newt experience the simple every day things when he took so much pleasure in the things Hermann took for granted.

He’d planned to take back control once they’d got back to his room, but he caught the fleeting thought of how long it had been since Newt had been able to have a shower and stepped back. Newt shuddered under the water, scrubbing harshly at his skin until Hermann sent soothing thoughts at him.

“I just want to clean them away,” Newt sighed. “It’s stupid. They’ve never possessed this body, and I know that, but I still feel it like an itch under my skin.”

Hermann passed along his understanding, attempting to keep his own hopelessness back; he wished he could help, but he couldn’t even begin to know what Newt was going through. He gently took over when Newt began to be overwhelmed and switched off the shower.

 _Thank you_ , Newt brushed his love against the bond. Hermann fumbled with his pyjama top and let his own feelings trickle through their link, smiling at the happiness he got in return.

He winced when he climbed into bed, his leg aching and reminding him that he’d fallen that morning, no matter how long ago it felt. Newt apologized in the back of his mind, aware that him taking control had also aggravated his leg. He managed to walk with the cane using muscle memory, but he’d occasionally made a movement that his leg wouldn’t support and had been rewarded with a sharp pain.

“It’s fine, Newton,” Hermann laid back. “It’s not the first time I’ve overexerted myself. I’ve had worse.” He was unable to suppress the thought that he’d go through worse to keep Newt happy.

 _Sap,_ Newt caught the thought. _At least let me help._

Hermann pulled his mind back a little, letting Newt forward until they were both sharing his body. He relaxed against his pillow as Newt began to massage his thigh, causing pinpricks of pain that were immediately soothed. He sunk into their bond, feeling calm and loved; his body should have felt too full with both of them in control, but it felt like the easiest thing yet.

“Want me to pull back?” Newt asked. Hermann blinked at the feeling of someone else’s words coming out of his mouth, startled out of his peaceful daze.

“No,” he murmured, shutting his eyes. “We’ll figure it out tomorrow.”

_Hermann opened his eyes to their lab. As their shared headspace, it made sense that they ended up there when asleep. Hermann was just glad that the nightmares had stopped. He hoped Newt came here when he slept; he didn’t like to think that he was fighting his own nightmares._

_“I think we need to visit my body tomorrow,” Newt announced once Hermann joined him in their headspace._

_“Whatever for?” Hermann demanded, straightening up._

_“They’ll expect it,” Newt fiddled with his shirt. “If I’d died, you would go back to make sure I wasn’t still there. Plus, we need to see if they’re getting weaker.” Hermann frowned and tightened his grip on his cane, unable to argue with him._

Pentecost and Dr Burke weren’t any happier than he was by the idea, but they too understood the necessity. Newt promised to stay back, knowing that the Precursors would recognize his behaviour if he took control.

“Hermann,” the Precursors purred when they entered the room. “Come for another try? Maybe you’ll find your Newton is you search hard enough.”

Hermann pushed down their shared nausea. “I’m here to find Newt,” he lied evenly.

“Of course,” the Precursors smirked cruelly. “It must be so hard to admit you killed him.”

 _I feel sick_ , Newt whispered. Hermann knew he if he went into their headspace, he would be pale and shaky. _I don’t even look human._

“Have you got it?” Hermann demanded, watching Dr Burke switch her EEG monitor on and sync it to her tablet. He wanted to get them both out of there; he knew it was a bad idea to take Newt anywhere near them.

“Done,” Dr Burke confirmed, hurrying out of the room.

“You better hope Dr Geiszler’s still in there,” Pentecost said darkly. “Or we won’t have any use for you after all.”

The Precursors snarled and attempted to lunge forward, his restraints cutting into his skin. Hermann followed Pentecost out of the room before he could watch them do any more damage to Newt’s body. Dr Burke was waiting outside for them and she handed the tablet over immediately once the door was shut.

“No signs of Dr Geiszler,” she smiled wryly. “Which was to be expected.”

“What about them?” Hermann couldn’t honestly say which one of them asked the question.

“Weaker than before,” Dr Burke told them enthusiastically. “Your hypothesis seems to be accurate; their hold on Dr Geiszler’s mind is weakening.”

Hermann scanned through the information, comparing it to the results of the EEG that was taken after their last Drift and calculating what it would mean. “I would need more data points, but if the Drift continues to decline at this speed, their hold on Newt’s mind will most likely snap within the month.”

“Now that the monitor is back on, I will be able to see a live feed of the EEG,” Dr Burke took her tablet back. “I will send you the results every morning for you to add to your calculations.” She waved away his thanks. “Honestly, you two are the most interesting patients I’ve ever had. I’d be more than happy to share my findings if you ever decide to publish.”

Hermann blanched. “I don’t think letting people know that the Drift can be used to possess their Drift partners is a good idea.”

Dr Burke’s eyes widened. “Oh, of course,” she nodded. “I didn’t even think. Not to worry, I’ll bury my files once this is over.”

“Good call,” Pentecost grimaced. “The Jaeger program has a bad enough reputation after all this without adding mind control into it.”

“Don’t they already know?” Newt questioned. “About me and all?”

“We kept that in house,” Pentecost shrugged. “Other than us and Dr Burke, only Nate, Shao, and the cadets are aware of your part in this.”

“And they’re not going to say anything?” Newt asked nervously, hands twitching on his cane.

“Shao wants to talk to you,” Pentecost said carefully. “She’s going to keep it quiet, but she wants to know how much damage they did and how long they were controlling you. The cadets have been sworn to secrecy; they know it wasn’t your fault.”

“Do they know about,” Newt waved a hand towards his head.

“No,” Pentecost laughed. “They know Dr Gottlieb attempted a Drift with you as they helped make the machine, but they don’t know the outcome. Nate has been distracting them with training, but they’ll probably corner you for answers at some point.”

“Do we tell them the truth?” Newt rocked back on his heels, wincing as he remembered that his leg couldn’t do that.

“Up to you,” Pentecost shrugged easily.

“Thanks,” Newt turned to leave, offering a sarcastic salute as he went. “Was that you or me?”

 _I’m not sure_ , Hermann mused. _I think it was possibly both of us._

“Your salute, my sarcasm,” Newt agreed. “Though I always thought you mocked the Marshall at times.”

 _Depended on my mood,_ Hermann admitted.

“I knew it,” Newt cheered gleefully.

He settled in at the lab, writing his report for Pentecost while Hermann used their headspace blackboards to do his own work. Occasionally, Hermann stepped forward enough to write down his findings before stepping back so Newt could continue his report.

Hermann noticed that Newt’s mood plummeted the longer he thought back to his time as a prisoner in his own head, so he stepped forward and left the lab, letting him take back over to choose something to eat. He was pleased to see his mood pick up while eating, but it didn’t last once they returned to the lab.

“I’m done,” Newt announced quietly, sending the report to Pentecost and then shutting the computer down. “I included everything that could be relevant to Pentecost’s plan to take the war to them and everything I learnt about the Precursors.” He retreated back into their headspace.

Hermann let out a deep breath and backed up his own work. He went straight to the mess and ended up with a sandwich so that he could eat quickly on the way to his room; he felt weighed down by Newt’s sadness and the last thing he wanted was to make small talk with anyone.

It was far too early to go to sleep, but he got ready for bed anyway and laid down, shutting his eyes and sinking into their headspace. It was the first time they’d shared the headspace when awake, but it felt the same as when they were asleep. The only difference seemed to be that the lab door was open, as if one of them could walk out at any moment.

_Newt was sat folded over on the couch, staring at his hands. “I killed Mako.”_

_Hermann faltered, he knew that Newt had always seen Mako as a sort of little sister: they’d both found her hidden in their lab many times as she grew up. Hermann had taken on the role of uncle, while Newt had been more like an older brother as his childish nature helped him to understand her in a way Hermann struggled to._

_“It wasn’t your fault,” he finally spoke up, taking a seat next to him._

_“I was fascinated by that Jaeger,” he confessed. “The idea of creating a Jaeger/Kaiju hybrid was like something out of a comic book. They saw everything in my head, all the ideas I thought of; I couldn’t stop myself from wondering, and they used it all.”_

_“Newt,” Hermann tugged him into a hug, holding him tighter when he began to shake. “We both know that no matter how many ideas you had, you never would have willingly created that monster.”_

_“But it killed Mako,” he sobbed, burying his head into Hermann’s chest._

_Hermann let him cry himself out, crying quietly himself. He hadn’t allowed himself to mourn, too focused on making sure Newt would be okay. They ended up tangled up together, laid across the couch and clinging to each other in their grief._

_“When I imagined us on this couch,” Newt mumbled into his chest. “It wasn’t like this.”_

_“I don’t think anyone could have imagined this,” Hermann stroked a hand down his back. “I never thought twenty years ago that I’d one day be happy sharing a brain with you.”_

_“Likewise,” Newt propped his head up, his chin digging into his sternum. “But I’m happy. If something goes wrong, I’ll be fine like this. Even if I’m stuck watching for the rest of my life, it would be worth it for when you come here.”_

_“I love you too,” Hermann smiled. The Newt he knew would never have been able to survive like that, but Hermann knew that he was being honest. His ten years captive in his own head had reshaped his priorities and helped him realise the things he really couldn’t live without._

The ping of an email broke them out of their headspace; they both rose up, feeling the need to stay close. Hermann opened the new message, feeling Newt reading it along with him. They were both surprised to see that it was the results of that mornings EEG: it seemed that time passed slower in their headspace when they were together than it did in the real world.

“They’re getting weaker faster than I predicted,” Hermann frowned. It was good news, but he didn’t understand why it was happening.

“Could it be because I’m not there?” Newt examined the calculations appearing in their headspace. “If there’s no one there to Drift with, will they be able to stay?”

“Maybe,” Hermann stepped back, standing in front of the blackboard and picking up a piece of chalk.

“I’ll go get breakfast then, shall I?” Newt rolled his eyes at Hermann’s distracted sound of agreement. Once showered and dressed, he wandered into the mess, feeling apprehensive since it was his first time in full control; Hermann was fully concentrated on his equations and not paying attention.

“Dr Gottlieb,” Lambert called him over. He took one look at Newt’s tray as he sat down and corrected himself. “Dr Geiszler.”

“That obvious, huh?” Newt dug his spoon into his cereal, avoiding glancing down at his arm; he still expected to see his tattoos.

“There’s more sugar on that tray than I’ve seen Dr Gottlieb eat in a year,” Lambert told him with a grin. “I’m surprised he let you get it all.”

“He’s distracted,” Newt confided mischievously, taking another mouthful of his cereal.

“I thought Jake had a sweet tooth,” Lambert laughed. “Between the two of you, we run the risk of running out of sweet things.”

He felt a burst of satisfaction from Hermann as he finished his calculations. Newt was sure he could taste the chalk cloud as Hermann surfaced from their headspace. He stifled a laugh when Hermann realised what he was eating, but Hermann was too pleased with his work to bother being too annoyed at his future sugar rush.

“Sorry Lambert,” Newt scooped up his last mouthful and grabbed his chocolate muffin to go. “Hermann’s up and he wants to arrange a meeting. Can you get Pentecost to meet us at the lab? I’ll send a message to Dr Burke.”

 _Don’t get crumbs in my lab_ , Hermann complained when Newt unwrapped his muffin as he walked through the door.

“I’ve got to finish this before they get here,” Newt argued with his mouth full. “Or else you’ll take over, and you won’t eat it.”

Dr Burke arrived first, taking a seat at one of the desks and taking out her tablet while they waited for the other two. Newt quickly swallowed the last of his muffin as they walked through the door and then retreated into their mind so Hermann could explain his findings.

“I was wrong about my initial estimation,” Hermann pulled up the results of the EEG and projected them onto the screen. “The Precursors hold is weakening much faster than I’d assumed. Newton pointed out that it could be due to his absence, and I think he’s right.” He paused to show them the EEG scans of when Newt was still trapped in his own head. “Their hold remained steady while Newton was there but began to deteriorate once he left. I believe they need a human mind to hold onto. Their brains aren’t like ours; they have a hive mind that connects them all. Newton was connected to that hive mind and it allowed them to take control, but now Newton isn’t there, rather than get stronger, they’re struggling to keep hold of his foreign brain.”

“Well, that’s good, isn’t it?” Pentecost waved a hand. “The quicker they’re gone, the sooner Dr Geiszler can have his body back.”

“Yes,” Hermann said tightly. “But according to my new calculations, that only gives us a week to come up with a way of making sure Newton has a mind to go back to.”

“Once they’re gone, there won’t be an issue,” Lambert theorised out loud. “Dr Geiszler’s body will go brain-dead and it should be easy to initiate a Drift and let him take back his brain.”

Dr Burke shook her head. “No one’s ever Drifted with a brain-dead person before; we have no way of knowing if it’s possible. Especially since there won’t be a mind in Dr Geiszler’s brain to initiate the neural handshake.”

“I’m going to have to go back before they leave,” Newt realised. “They have to be there to start the Drift.”

“But Dr Gottlieb said that they’re getting weaker because you’re not there,” Pentecost protested. “If you go back before they’re gone, won’t they get stronger again?” There was a moment of silence as they all contemplated how to solve the problem. When no one had any ideas, Pentecost sighed. “Time to bring in the cadets. Maybe they’ll think of something.”

“Fresh eyes,” Lambert nodded, rubbing a hand over his forehead.

The cadets weren’t much help. They were amazed and a little scared by the fact that a Drift had led them to sharing a body, but they didn’t have much to add to find a solution. Dr Burke was quick to reassure them that their case was unusual and wouldn’t happen under normal circumstances.

“I wouldn’t have been able to follow him back if he hadn’t let me,” Newt smiled reassuringly. “And I can only take control like this when he lets me too.”

Cadet Malikova frowned thoughtfully. “But, why does Dr Gottlieb let you?”

Newt blinked in surprise. “Why wouldn’t he?”

 _You’d do the same for me,_ Hermann was quick to point out before he could doubt himself.

“Exactly,” Newt beamed.

“Is this normal for Drift partners?” Cadet Namani inquired, shooting a look at Pentecost. “I know the Kaidonovsky’s were reported to be like one person in two bodies, but they’re Drifted together ten years.”

“Normal can become a bit blurred when Drifting is involved,” Lambert said delicately. “Some people can Drift together for a long time without leaving an imprint on the other person, and with others they bleed into one.”

“Ranger Hercules Hansen was one of the few pilots that didn’t take anything with him into the Drift,” Pentecost remembered with a sad smile. “My dad was the same.” His eyes went distant. “We didn’t get that skill off him; Mako poured everything into the Drift, it often overwhelmed her Drifting partners. But it made her Drift with Raleigh stronger. Drift compatibility is more than just being able to Drift, it’s trusting that person with everything you have until there’s nothing between you.”

“That’s why some of the best Jaeger pilots were either siblings or married,” Lambert added. “The stronger the Drift, the better the pilots. In training, you’ll learn to Drift with anyone, but true Drift compatibility is rare. It’s not always immediate; it can come with time as you learn to trust your partner.”

“You weren’t pilots,” Cadet Ilya pointed out. “How did you know you would be able to Drift together?”

“We didn’t have much choice,” Hermann took over, Newton still feeling a little raw over the casual mention of Mako. “The neural load would have killed Newton if he tried to Drift alone a second time.” He pushed down the memory of finding him passed out in the lab and the terror of thinking he was dead.

“As interesting as this is,” Dr Burke spoke up. “It’s not helping us find a solution to the problem at hand.”

“I don’t think we have much choice,” Newt tapped his fingers against the desk in a nervous rhythm. “I have to go back into my head before they leave. We’ll have to time it so that they’re strong enough to hold a Drift, but weak enough that I can sever the remaining connection.”

“Could you do it during the Drift?” Cadet Goa questioned thoughtfully. “Then it would be the two of you against them.”

“Then they’d be the risk of infecting Dr Gottlieb’s mind as well,” Cadet Ryoichi argued.

“It’s the best plan we’ve got,” Pentecost looked over at Newt. “What does Dr Gottlieb think?”

“He’s willing to risk it,” Newt grimaced. “We both agree that we’d have a better chance at kicking them out of my head together than I would alone.”

“From my calculations, the optimal time for the Drift would be in three days,” Hermann projected his work onto the screen. “Any later and we risk them being too weak and the Drift destabilising.”

“Three days,” Pentecost stood up. “Quite a drop from the predicted month.”

“We’ll be ready,” Hermann assured him. “The machine is already set up. All we need to do is Drift.”

 _And fight off the hive mind,_ Newt scoffed, attempting to hide his doubt and fear. _Easy._

Hermann waved off the others, mentioning that he’d get something to eat later. Once they’d gone, he retreated into their headspace. His lab probably wasn’t the best place to check out, but he didn’t want to take the time to go back to his room.

_He watched Newt pace anxiously around the room before he threw himself onto the couch and scrubbed a hand over his face. Unsure what he could do to help, Hermann stepped forward until he was waiting in front of him._

_“I don’t want you to go with me,” Newt admitted, looking up at him with a vulnerable expression. “But I’m not strong enough to do it alone.”_

_“We’ll do it together,” Hermann promised, carding his hand through Newt’s hair, unsurprised when he let his head fall forward to rest against his stomach. “You’re not fighting alone anymore.”_

_“I don’t want you to get hurt,” Newt said in a small voice. “The last time you tried to help, I tried to choke you.”_

_“That wasn’t you,” Hermann reminded him gently, forcing the memory of being unable to breath away before Newt could catch it. “And you stopped them. You didn’t let them kill me.”_

_“They hate you so much,” Newt lifted his head up. “When you were there, I had more control. I’m sorry it wasn’t enough. I never wanted to hurt you.”_

_“They knew we’re stronger together,” Hermann straightened up. “We’ll be able to take them by surprise, they don’t know you’re here, they’ll only be expecting me in the Drift.”_

_“They know all of my weaknesses,” Newt confessed shakily. “And they were good at manipulating me into doing what they wanted.”_

_“They can’t do that anymore,” Hermann declared confidently. “We’re not going to let them.”_

_Newt surged up from his seat and wrapped his arms around him, clinging onto him and burying his head into his neck. “I’m going to miss this,” he chuckled wetly. “I don’t think I know how to be alone in my own head anymore.”_

_Hermann hummed in agreement. “We’ll have time to figure it out.”_

A cough startled them apart, causing them both to shoot out of their headspace to see what was happening. Lambert was leaning in the doorway, watching as they blinked and reoriented themselves.

“Apologies, Dr Gottlieb,” he smiled. “You weren’t at lunch, and I didn’t want you missing dinner too.”

“Ah,” Hermann wobbled to his feet, his body protesting the movement after so long in one position. “Thank you. I hadn’t realised what time it was.”

“Everything alright?” He asked, stepping out of the way so that Hermann could limp out of the room, easily keeping pace with him.

“Just sorting out the plan on our end,” Hermann answered, gratefully taking the tray from him once they reached the mess and selecting a pasta dish that he knew Newt liked.

 _What’s going on there?_ Newt noticed Lambert casting glances at Officer Reyes and prodded at Hermann to get him to ask for answers.

“I won’t be insulted if you wish to eat with Officer Reyes,” Hermann drawled, causing him to duck his head, a blush staining his ears. He wouldn’t have usually mentioned it, but Newt’s curiosity was rubbing off on him.

“That’s…complicated,” Lambert settled on, giving them a speculative look. “Though, I suppose you’d understand better than most.”

“We do complicated better than most,” Hermann acknowledged, allowing Newt’s amusement to show on his face.

Lambert poked at his salad. “Did you know Jake and I are Drift compatible?”

“I suspected,” Hermann said cautiously.

“Right from the beginning,” Lambert sighed. “Then he left, and I got a new co-pilot. I met Jules not long after, but we both agreed that it wouldn’t be fair to her to start something when I still felt like something was missing. Now Jake’s back, and I don’t know what that means.”

Hermann contemplated him. Ranger Lambert was the only person who had known him before Newt had settled into his mind who also knew what had happened during the Drift. He’d always been polite and respectful, a rarity for a lot of pilots who put physical strength over brains.

“You should talk to Reyes,” Hermann picked up his tray, ignoring the look of shock. “Ignoring the problem never works.”

 _Look at you, playing matchmaker,_ Newt teased. _What happened to the Hermann that thought relationships had no place at work?_

“Life’s too short,” he murmured as he entered his room. “We wasted twenty years before getting to this point.”

 _Yeah, but we’re hopeless,_ Newt laughed. _It took me getting possessed by aliens and you being forced to share you mind with me for us to confess our feelings._

Hermann set an alarm for the morning; since time passed differently in their headspace, they would need something to snap them out of it. Pentecost had sent him an email to say he could have light duties until after the Drift if need be, but they both thought that it was best to stay busy and keep their minds off it.

The next day, they had an uneventful day in the lab, exchanging ideas and theories on how to improve the Jaeger’s and make in so that they would function in the Anteverse. It was their hope that they would be able to work with Shao on a Jaeger sized drone; neither of them liked the idea of sending pilots through the Breach.

Hermann noticed that Reyes, Pentecost and Lambert were absent from meals, the cadets making the most of an unanticipated day off training. He hoped idly that they would be able to sort everything out without hurting anyone, but he knew he’d helped all he could, it was down to them.

Newt got more anxious as the Drift got closer; alternating between needing to be in control and wanting to hide in their headspace. Hermann did his best to help, letting him decide when he wanted to take control of his body and attempting to soothe the worst of his worries.

_“I hate this plan,” Newt said angrily the night before the Drift._

_“It’s the best plan we’ve got,” Hermann reminded him. “We both know you can’t stay here.”_

_“I know,” he moaned, tugging at his hair. “But it’s so risky.”_

_“Look on the Brightside,” Hermann smiled wryly. “If something goes wrong then neither of us will have to deal with the consequences.”_

_“Because we’ll be dead!” Newt cried. “Maybe I should just do it alone.”_

_“I’ve already had to mourn you once,” Hermann gave up trying to cheer him up. “We’re doing it together.”_

Dr Burke met him at the cell door, waiting to attach his electrodes. He offered her a weak smile and nodded for Pentecost to open the door. The Precursors glared balefully at them. Hermann forced himself to look past the expression of Newt’s body and focused on checking for any injuries. He looked skinnier than he had before, and his arms were rubbed raw where his restraints were.

 _Could be worse,_ Newt catalogued. _Shouldn’t take too long to recover from that._

“Back again,” The Precursors hissed. “Still holding onto hope?”

“To be human is to hope,” Hermann replied evenly, taking a seat and not even twitching as Dr Burke attached the electrodes. She didn’t switch the monitor on; she’d agreed to leave it off until the Drift had started to give them the element of surprise.

The Precursors laughed when Pentecost placed the PONS headset on them. “So eager to relive his death?”

“Eager to enforce yours,” Hermann put on his own headset. “Ready.”

 _Ready,_ Newt sent him a wave of shaky confidence.

Pentecost activated the Drift and they were both thrown into the blue of the neural handshake.

_They pushed forward, forcing themselves into Newt’s mind and cutting through the tethers that linked the Precursors to his brain. There were screams of rage as they realised that they’d been tricked and a wave of anger pushed on them, trying to slow them down. It was a tiring job; they had to search through every memory for remnants of their influence and shatter any hold that they found._

_“This is it,” Newt shook, dragging him into a memory._

_Hermann glanced around, taking in the unfamiliar bedroom before catching sight of the Kaiju brain. He could feel the hatred and power of the hive mind pulsing in time with the heart._

_“Down the rabbit hole to Alice,” Newt murmured._

_“We need to be quick,” Hermann reminded him, feeling the pressure as the Precursors got closer. He was aware that they were trying to access his mind, but he couldn’t fight them off and help Newt._

_“You can’t control me anymore,” Newt whispered, placing a hand onto the tank, his face twisting in concentration. The water in the tank began to bubble and the brain shuddered as if it was in pain. Around them, the screams got louder and more desperate, shadows and dark shapes beginning to pour into the room. Hermann spun to face them, protecting Newt with his body as they got closer. “This is my mind.”_

_The shadows were flung back as a shockwave rippled out from the brain. Hermann remained unaffected by the blast as the room around them exploded, shattering the last tether connecting the Precursors. Memories that belonged to both of them raced past them and Newt laughed, overwhelmed by the rightness of the Drift between them with no other minds intruding._

The end of the Drift was more disorientating than usual. Hermann could still feel Newt in his mind, but he felt more distant than he had before. A wave of loneliness hit him and he automatically reached out to the presence in his mind. He was rewarded with the touch of Newt’s thoughts against his.

“You did it!” Pentecost cheered, breaking his concentration.

Hermann blinked, taking in the relieved expressions of everyone in the room and then focusing on Newt. Newt grinned at him, flexing his hands as Lambert undid his restraints. Hermann’s fingers twitched in time with his movement, feeling it as a ghost sensation down his own hand.

“This is amazing,” Dr Burke gushed, examining the monitors. “It’s like they’re still in the Drift!”

“Is it a Ghost Drift?” Lambert asked, helping an unsteady Newt to his feet.

Newt took a few awkward steps towards him, his surprise at being able to walk without pain echoing through their mind. He beamed and practically launched himself at him, clinging onto Hermann’s neck and tucking his head into the curve of his shoulder.

“It looks stronger than a Ghost Drift,” Dr Burke replied, reminding them that they weren’t alone. “How do you both feel?”

“Connected,” Newt bounced on the balls of his feet. “I can still feel what Hermann’s feeling, but it’s like an echo. It’s easy to recognise as not my own.” He waved his hands excitedly. “Like I can feel that his leg’s hurting, but I know it’s not my leg.”

“It’s the same for me,” Hermann admitted. “I didn’t expect to have any awareness outside of Newton’s mind, but I too can sense what he’s experiencing.”

“Amazing,” Dr Burke repeated. “I can’t say whether it will fade in time or if it will be permanent. Drifting with someone creates new path ways in the brain; it’s why pilots tend to adopt each other’s habits even after they no longer Drift together. It may be that your brains are so in sync that they’re operating on their own frequency. A sort of constant Drift.”

“I can live with that,” Newt said quickly. Hermann nodded his agreement, sharing Newt’s opinion that it would be lonely to suddenly be cut off from each other. The thought of not being able to reach his mind out and feel Newt’s reassuring presence was honestly distressing.

“Good, because you may have to,” Dr Burke reached out and took a look at Newt’s wrists, advising that he put some cream on them and wrapped them to help them heal. She offered to do it herself if he was willing to go to medical, but he just wanted to go back to Hermann’s room and sleep.

Pentecost dismissed them, saying something about updating the cadets on what happened, so they shuffled back to Hermann’s room and locked the door behind them. Hermann pulled on his night clothes, feeling exhausted despite the fact that they’d only been awake a few hours, and Newt climbed into the shower, scrubbing slightly harder than he should have done to wash the feel of the Precursors away.

“Hands,” Hermann sighed once he stepped out in his towel. Newt grimaced and held his arms out so Hermann could spread the cream over his raw wrists, wrapping a bandage firmly around them to protect them while they slept.

“This bed feels smaller now,” Newt complained sleepily once he’d pulled on a pair of sweatpants and joined Hermann under the covers. “We should request a bigger one.”

_Hermann was only a little surprised to see the lab when he fell asleep, though he noticed that the long absent duct tape line had been drawn back down the middle of the room. Curious, he stepped close to the line and held his hand out, feeling ridiculous when his hand passed easily over the line and didn’t encounter any resistance._

_“This feels permanent to me,” Newt spoke up once Hermann had finished examining the line. “Any regrets?”_

_“None at all,” Hermann answered honestly. He felt more at home in their cramped dirty lab than he’d felt at any other time during Newt’s ten-year absence and he knew that Newt felt the same._

**Author's Note:**

> I hate writing endings, they always end up so cheesy. 
> 
> Tumblr: [@exhaustedcommonsense](https://exhaustedcommonsense.tumblr.com)


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